ational airport while Hongxiao services domestic connections. Oh, yes, and the people of China have NO CLUE how to use a line. I mean, this place was nuts with throngs of people pushing everywhere. To be honest, it was not as bad as India, but this was an airport, in a major city. They should know better. Well, all the major Chinese carriers (Air China, China Southern, China Eastern, Dragon Air, etc) use the same check-in booths, so there is just one large mob of people pushing to get to the front. It took me about 45 minutes to check in for my flight, but more than that, I was just aggravated and tired and pissed off when I got to the front. But, I made it, I was on the flight, and they gave me milky sticky rice for breakfast, which was unfortunate, but I appreciated the thought. By 2pm I had arrived at my destination, Beijing airport.I made my way to the airtrain to get to Beijing city-center. My hotel, the Red Wall Hotel, was located directly behind the Forbidden City and near public transportation lines. Unfortunately, after I transferred from the airtrain to the subway successfully, I exited the subway and started walking with my monster backpack towards the hotel in the wrong direction. 2.5 hours later, I arrived at the hotel, but I had seen most of the center of Beijing.
My first impression? These buildings are massive with no sense of human scale. I remember Mr Portman, my Western Civilization teacher sophomore year at Loyola and intellectual mentor for this trip since he did something similar during his college years, telling us how when he saw the Pyramids at Giza, they bore no relation to the scale of humanity compared to, for example, the Parthenon in Athens. I would make the point this way: while the towers of Shanghai were incredibly tall, they were designed in an elegant, delicate fashion, whereas the buildings lining Beijing’s inner city were tall, wide, squat buildings with massive columns out front. They were imposing, foreboding. They were likely designed by Party officials to remind the population that the Party and Communist system were large and sturdy, in control. There was no missing these buildings and there was nothing elegant about them. They were ugly and loud, like drunk chicks at Spring Break, but at least you cannot pretend they are not there. Anyhow, I passed these buildings and checked into the hotel.The assistant manager of the hotel was a young Chinese guy who had spent about 3 months doing an internship with a large US hotel chain in Washington D.C. He was interested in my perspective on the US, so asked if I wanted to go to a traditional Chinese acrobatic show. I said, sure, why not. We went and, while it was really interesting to see this kind of stuff, it was a complete tourist trap. It was a bunch of kids doing summersaults, flips, plate spinning, etc. The coolest was a guy who would balance on various large pipes, moving left, right, back and forward. It was really cool, and then he had a small girl balance on his head using only her head. That was cool, freakish, but cool. No wonder the Chinese won all those medals in the Olympics for gymnastics, they make these kids do absolutely freakish things from such a young age. My buddy from the hotel told me he had never been before, either, so he was impressed with the skill of the kids. The grand finale had the about 15 kids riding a bike around in a circle for a bit, which was oddly reminiscent of how people actually get around Delhi.
After the acrobatic show, we asked me if I wanted to go get a beer and something to eat. I said sure, I was game. I only requested that it was a local place as opposed to some kind of tourist trap, you know, like the trap I just left. He laughed and took me to a place with about three other patrons who were staring intently at a boxing match between a Chinese guy and a Filipino guy.
We both ordered a plate of food, and he chose two starters. Then he chose two local Beijing beers, which came in the normal, non-US size of 660 centiliters, or about 2 US sized beers. He asked me if I liked to drink beer, to which I made a universally understandable face. Translation: yes, I like beer, and I bet I like it more than you. So we had a drinking contest, which was just unfair. The guy was like 22 years old and about 135 pounds, just tiny. I, on the other hand, have some experience downing beers. I mean, I’ve been US drinking for years, which is heavy on the beer and light on the wine, so good luck keeping up with me, my Chinese friend. The food was great. We had a fish and a chicken dish, with the chicken dish being very spicy. It was in a sweet and sour sauce, but with a kick. The fish was a whole fish which I had to pull apart myself, which is my favorite way to eat seafood. It should be very labor intensive, otherwise, where is the fun? The starters were seaweed and noodles, which were both good. The seaweed was surprisingly spicy and salty, at the same time, but went really well with the beer.To make a long story short, I drank him under the table in the drinking contest. I knew I would. How did I objectively come to this conclusion? We each had five beers, but he went to the bathroom 5 times to my 2, and I had to literally drag him out of the bar. At a certain point, I was done, I wanted to get up early in the morning to see the Great Wall, and he was being pushy, wanting to have another beer and another beer. He was toast. He also tripped over a step and tried to grab one of the fish out of the aquarium next to the cash register. I was having a fantastic time watching this. It was a train wreck. At the end, I told him I would run into the bathroom real quick and meet him downstairs. Up until this point, I had an extremely favorable opinion of China. The public transportation was fast, efficient and clean. The airports worked. The hotel was nice enough for the price, and I did not have any issues walking around my area. Then I entered the bathroom at this local restaurant. I was disgusted. Inside was a long trough-style urinal and a small tiled wall behind it. As I walked in, I was almost knocked on my ass by the smell of urine and feces. Then, I look over to the tiled wall, and there was one of the boxing spectators, squatting over the whole in the floor which constitutes a toilet. He was also talking on his cellphone and making very loud grunts as he evacuated his system. I had two questions: (i) who was on the other line of that phone call and (ii) why could he not wait a couple of minutes before calling that person? I used the bathroom faster than I had ever used a bathroom before. I mean, I just had to get out of there it was so horrible. The stench was ungodly. Seriously, it smelled like rotten fish layered in vomit and poop. I would have rather smelled my own socks, but there is no way I am ever going to be barefoot in Beijing after seeing this. So, in the end, I loved the food, defended my drinking ability, and decided that China should not be accepted into the community of civilized nations until every one of its “world cities” dumps the hole and installs a porcelain toilet… with stalls. That and Glad Plugins for the stench. Then, I will take it completely seriously.



































